#74. extract from the old blog ; for temporary viewing purposes only. slightly edited to protect people mentioned.

Love at first sight? I never believed in that. But I believe there was something about you that attracted me when I first laid my eyes on you. That morning when I happened to be walking with MH. It was towards the end of 2005. I was 13. You came by and talked to him. I was literally stunned. Why didn't I see you before? You were so pretty. And that was what I thought. I was bugging MH "Who's that?" and he just threw me a Citarasa. That was when I knew your name, knew your presence.

H was my kor and he sayang me so much at that time. When I told him about you he quickly got me your number and I started texting you and we contacted each other on Friendster a lot. That's what little girls would do but I'm glad we made friends. But I still saw you with M so often. Think you guys were still together but I liked you a lil too much to give up on you. We still text, and you treated me well. You even told me you "love me" but I guess you didn't know that it meant more than you thought it did.

Then I was 14. I was still crazy about you. I skipped classes and recess just to watch you play basketball. So hot, thats what I always thought. I gave you some lame present on your birthday. You still cared a lot about me eventhough we didn't get together. But then the truth that I got together with K shocked you. I didn't tell you that it was because I felt sorry for K. You thought I was over you, E even came to scold me because according to him, I broke your heart. Things might be different if you asked me yourself. But I couldn't do anything cuz I chose K.

I broke up with K when I was 15. I came to you and you comforted me. You went for recess with me and you sent me off when I went for choir competition. You called me at night. When K got jealous for nothing you even went to explain. You were so nice, why did I let you go again? And I don't even know why I got back with K and left you feeling cheated and clueless for the second time.

16, you were holidaying after you SPM. I thought you'd go to college but you appeared for Lower 6. It was June, and you suddenly sent a text saying that you forgot my birthday two months ago. I joked with you saying that I'm sad you didn't give me any presents. And you said you only give presents to special people. And surprisingly I felt hurt. That was when I realized I still like you all the while. Not long after that, I broke up with K.

17. We weren't as close as we were the years before, until one day you gave me that smile. The smile that made my heart melt for you again. We started texting, and when I finally picked up the courage to confess, you said you liked me too. And that you needed time to think whether we should couple. But we were just in an unofficial relationship, we went for recess together and everyone thought we finally made it this time. Everything was so real. I had the best Chinese New Year with you. All your friends were happy with your "girlfriend".

But you told me after CNY that you didn't want to be with me, and that you wanted to focus on your STPM. I was devastated, but I thought it was best to let you go. D and CK were the ones who distracted me from you for a period of time. You were still important to me, I sent you wishes and goodluck texts. Then you asked me out. It's been almost a year since I saw you so upclose. And I could never stand it whenever you smile. You were so nice, and even offered to get me a job.

So you know, I'm falling for you again. It's you again. I might have liked a few other dudes but you're the one whom my feelings for you never died. I cried the most for you, not only when I was heartbroken, I even shed tears of joy for you. Remember when you wished me happy birthday? It was just a simple text but I cried, because it meant so much to me.

I know you don't want commitment, and your feelings for me might be just as a friend. And you might be afraid to get involved with me again since I let you down twice. So I'm just keeping this to myself now. You don't have to know, and you don't have to like me back. I don't know whether this is love, but if it is, I love you.

*pic removed*

Smile more, will you? :)


I love you.

#73. imaginary letter, from you to me ;

You want to know why im treating you this way. But ask yourself. Why.

I trusted you. I was falling for you. But what did you do? You ended up with someone else. K and i were great friends. But because of you, we fought, and it never got better again.

Who was there for you when you broke up? Me. I kept you company, made sure you werent lonely. And all i had to hear was you telling me how much you loved K. I endured it til the end. Then you got him back, and left me a broken heart.

The third time. Everything was so real, we were happy, everyone else was happy, thinking that we finally made it. You even cut everything off with K for me. However. Once bitten, twice shy. Im sorry that i backed off, i was so afraid that the same thing would happen to us again.

Last year. You suddenly asked me out and you confessed. Same thing, i didnt know whether i should trust you. I told you i just wanted to focus on my studies. I knew you were hurt, but i was overtaken by insecurity. Not long after that, i found out that when you confessed, you were actually with someone else. D. I was stupid enough to think that you were waiting all the while.

You saw me with D the other day. I was just as surprised as you to bump into each other again. D was certain that you would text me after that. And i was certain that he would tell you everything i said. I fed D the story that im still mad that you told everyone else that im ur boyfriend back then. When we werent.

But how long has this been? Almost 2 years. You must be really dumb if you believed the story. And dont you rmb how i defended you frm this? I knew M was jealous that we were close thats why she spreaded the rumor. But i believed you. Because of you i scolded my ex girlfriend of 3 years.

Rmb what happened on your last bday? I bought you a cake. I decided to make it up to you because i turned down your friends' invitation to celebrate your bday the year before. I called you when i was outside your house. I thought i could give you a surprise. But you were mean enough not to meet me. You asked me to just leave the cake outside. Why did you have to do that? Did you have another bf too?

So tell me XT. Tell me how im supposed to trust you again. All these while i havent been good in expressing my feelings but you should know that i truly care bout you. But all you did was giving me hopes and then letting me down. Dont tell me how much you love me, cuz if you do. You wouldve just focused on me. You wouldve just looked at me. Dont tell me you were lonely, i didnt have other girls either.

And now you are back again. I just have to ignore you. Im just protecting myself. From having another heartbreak. I have no other choices. I thought we could overcome this, but i guess we're just not meant to be. You too. After so many times, cant you just wake up and face the reality? It will never work out between us. Im sorry.




As stated and to repeat. This is merely IMAGINARY. Based on my own interpretations. With perasan elements. =.= Yes. As much as i hate to admit it i guess im still very much in love with him. And if we were given another chance. I swear i would appreciate it, never let go, and never screw it up again. Never get distracted by, and never find comfort in other guys again. But he's not willing to open up his heart again. Is he?

I wander round and round, but never fail to get back to him in the end. J, as a point in a circle. And the theory sticks.

Anyone remember the super long letter thingy that I wrote earlier this year? I tried to find it and realized its in another blog. And its private now. So i cant link it. Oh and it might be dangerous to post this here. But who cares, not many people know the new link? :x

#72.

simba texted and told me that our results are gonna be posted to our lovely homes tomorrow. and he's quite positive that the cgpa's gonna be included in it, so. tomorrow is doomsday! anyway, i've had quite a dramatic moment the other night. when i suddenly broke down and told my mom i had no confidence in doing actuarial science, and that i wanted to switch to accounting. where i can actually do better. its not that its not hard, but then, its def easier. i'd rather do something that i can pour my best in, rather than doing something that i might not be able to achieve. mom almost enrolled me into sunway. anyway, after all the dramas mom told me she has faith in me (with lots of elaborations full of motherly love), and i decided to give myself a second chance and work my ass off for my second semester and. there. end of drama. BUT. my mom still doesnt know my cgpa. and i'll let her down tomorrow. im ready to get some scolding, but what i cant stand most. is the disappointment on her face tomorrow. i dont care if she doesnt let me join the trip, all i know is. this will be the last time. i swear. i cant let my mom down again. and my dad. i love my parents i really do. i wanna make them proud. i wanna be successful one day and my parents to tell the whole world, yes, this is my daughter.

just now popo told me, 愿主保佑你. yes, dear Lord please watch after everyone who loves me. no more distractions, just one direction. walk all the way to the end. and make everyone proud.

#71.

CHM107 A
ENL101 A-
PSY105 B
MAT132 B-

Do the math. And there i kinda screwed up my first semester? FML, im such a messed up daughter. Mom asked me whether its what i expected, being as thick-faced as ever i didnt admit my disappointment. I expected all of them to be 1 grade up. But ofcourse miracles like this do not happen. Did i work hard? Yes, but i would say its not enough. Less entertainment, more studying should be the real uni life. I must've been nuts. If everything deteriorates even more next sem, in going to eat shit. Literally =.=

I always say i dowana disappoint my parents, but i end up disappointing myself the hardest. Where did my soul go? You have to come back, stop wandering wild. Can you see your future?

#70.

havent been meeting any friends since i got back. i think im getting anti-social. or maybe i lost all my self-esteem since the mom's treating me like im a total fatass. lol. anyway. i havent eaten any snacks for the whole week. slowly losing weight again. although im still too lazy to go exercise. watching so many dramas at once. lucky i didnt get the storylines mixed up ;3 went to watch hp7 just now. mom was supposed to follow, but there was some situation at dad's shop so she went to help. the myanmmar employees fought or something, and they couldnt agree with dad's way of handling things. and they decided to quit. all thanks to mom theyre back. dad, as mom says, he doesnt understand the mindset of employees. because he's been a boss since forever. lol -.- but i love my dad. he spends so much on us. provides us with everything. and he's getting old. hmmm. ohyea. going to china this 17th. i hope dad can come with us and his business will be okay with him away. havent eaten a proper meal for the whole day. mom just gave me some jelly-like thing which she says the shop owner calls it poor people's bird nest -.- it tastes and feels like grape flavored jelly la. what bird nest -.- donghae in its okay daddy's daughter as a.. construction worker? okay what although he looks tiny :3 just because nowadays the new actors are mostly models. sheeesh. oh and samsung sponsors galaxy s to all the new dramas. at first i feel excited that my phone keeps appearing then i slowly got used to it. they have it in white and pink too! so pretty. and apparently they have a thing that looks like ipad too. im positive its samsung. i must go google it.

#69.

all hail my beautiful diary! the facial mask. hahaha it kinda works on my face, not so red anymore, pimples that were gonna pop up went down, marks became less darker. not to forget smoother skin! okay maybe not so much difference lol but at least there's something! hahaha sooo happy. and the mask smells good. with strawberry flavor. i fell asleep to it. strawberry! my favorite beauty products flavor! okay later im so gonna drop by ri xin to get 2 more, 1 for tonight and 1 to bring back to the land of kuantan. i seriously havent seen it in kuantan before. or maybe i just werent observant enough. hahaha.

anyway, happy thanksgiving everyone! sorry i seriously dont know what its all about. i dont even know whether its cultural or religious. i just saw it on gossip girl. family members all come home to celebrate together. have a nice dinner. its like, our.
团圆饭?

well my point is. i've been so thankful bout everything. seriously. BUT there's just one more teeny weeny thing i need to ask for. please give me an A for Chemistry :) please please pretty please.

#68.

differences between LDPE and HDPE. differences between RNA and DNA. differences between starch and cellulose. think im speaking alien language? studying for chemistry now. and i pretty much already know everything but i dont know. i feel empty. i dont want to study. of all the hours of the day. im feeling stupid again. where did the passion go? i freaking need to score 80 in finals to get an A. sir said he had faith in me, but i dont know. damn. whats wrong with me? i cant afford to lose that A. i NEED it to pull my freaking CGPA up. remember my 3.5. damn you. focus! angry birds is so tempting. but im resisting. i have bout 3 and 4 new drama series in my computer. and im resisting. BUT. what the hell am i doing here? please tell me, im not a useless piece of junk. haish.

*pause for phone call with mom*

should've hidden the status frm my mom last night. now she's all paranoid bout the african dude she keep saying dont go out at night always find a guy to accompany you! lol okay mom. if im really scared bout something i need someone like quan here. but no one's here is like him lol. so i guess im slowly getting independent here. lol. okay maybe only sometimes.

it feels nice to be active on blogger again.

#67.

3 down, 1 to go!
enl101 paper just now. and i chose this question :

explain how a person can overcome the loss of a friend, a family member or a pet.

so i was thinking hard what to write for it. and then i knew i only had to choose 1 of it. but i underlined all 3. randomly only la. then dr.lim saw me doing it. and he said. choose only 1. only 1! with a serious face. hahahaha. then after the paper, we were discussing bout it then i told them what dr.lim did. and they were like, omg why is he so nice to you! and i couldnt help feeling perasan i think dr.lim really sayang me wan lo lol. dont start throwing things at me =.= and just now. i was playing with my pen cap and then it flew. dr.lim picked it up and acted like he was gonna put it in his pocket. then he smiled (cheekily lol) and gave it back to me. too cute! hahaha.
dr.lim told zoe she's gonna fail. cuz she didnt know the white piece of paper was actually a rough paper. and she did one of her essays on that paper. damn. i hope dr.lim wouldnt be so mean on her. i mean. she didnt even break any of the exam rules. and you know what. there was this other guy (i dunno him he's in another class and he's kinda black) his phone rang in the middle of the exam! and his phone just got confiscated. what how can! i thought as long as ur found with a phone then u straight away fail wan. so unfair. i mean. compare the both cases. who deserves to fail? anyway. maybe i comment too much.

ok, i've heard so much bout sam tsui but this is the first time that i actually go and check him out. sorry im noob. and i have to say. damn he rocks. damn damn his voice damn. voice of an angel man damn it. sorry. ignore my damns. he's one damn boy babeh.



walao eh! i want to die already.

#66.

trust me. im going to be nocturnal soon. okay. maybe not. at least i dont wake up at 12 :3
ENL101 final paper, in 4 hrs. and im so not prepared. its not that i need to actually prepare something. but, im totally not in the exam mood. i just, cant wait to be home. buck up, 2 more days!

#65.

nobody realized that boon seng has disappeared. until miss aqila asked me. then i was like, oh yeah. no wonder my facebook and msn have been so peaceful over the past week lol. (oh and as im typing this i see reed. in inti again. hello!) okay. back to my story. ivana and i were like trying to recall when was the last time we saw him. then i rmb. pool. i randomly played pool with him just exactly a week ago. and then he disappeared -.- i rmb he wanted to give dr.lim a surprise (i dunno what) on thursday, but he didnt turn up. and that week, he was boasting bout getting offered to the university of montana? or something. and he said he was going for some PRO maths or whatever IQ test so i guess that the reason of it. boon seng left inti! (i guess)
so calculus finals. wasnt as tough as i expected. only the newton's method question pawned me. others, i managed to finish them last minute even if i was stucked before, and i hope i didnt make any silly mistakes. compared to psychology, i think i did way better. its not that the questions werent tough, it just happened to be, a lot better. and i was in such a good mood i was smiling and laughing to myself (lol siao already) but actually there was a story to it. i bumped into ricky sooo many times today. then when i was walking back to my block, frm far i saw someone who looked like him. frm the opposite way. so i was waiting to tease him. BUT when i was ABOUT to wave. i suddenly realized. SHIT. wrong guy. HAHAHAHAHA and i laughed ON THE SPOT. then the guy was like o.O whats ur effing problem? and i took me bout 10mins to stop. okay. exaggerating. but i was still laughing when i got into my room.
right now eve is hijacking bert's facebook. okay i have a feeling that we're gonna get it frm him.

#64.

7 reasons why girls hate emo guys.
in response to eve's guide to life : after a breakup.

(taking a break from calculus and also practicing writing for enl101 lol wtf)

1. emo guys only wants sympathy. because they think its the end of the world when they break up/get rejected. they want people to show concern, they want people to think "yer why you so cham one" or maybe things like "you deserve someone better" so he can have some sort of self-comfort to make himself feel better.

2. emo guys are usually attention whoresseekers. they MIGHT not be as emo in the inside as what they show outside. especially when he sees THE GIRL around. he MIGHT start doing things like acting to be drunk. NOTE: this is just an example. whether he wants her to feel bad, or whether he just enjoys putting up a show for other people to see. i dont know.

3. i've come to accept the fact that emo-ing=smoking. as i realllly HATE the smell of smoke and i hate smokers, thats equivalent to -- i HATE emo guys. but lately a few from my circle of friends happen to be SOCIAL smokers and they smoked in front of me a couple of times so im kinda used to this, emo thing. hmmm.

4. emo guys act like they're perfectly fine when certain people, especially THE GIRL, try to check whether he's alright. he tries to give this strong image, like, who says im emo over you wor, then puts up his best smile/sends lots of smileys to the girl then behind her, with his bunch of friends he's super emo again (i guess hoping the girl will know at the same time) errr thats whyy. super contradicting wan lo. i dunno what they're thinking bout.

5. emo guys give trouble to their friends. because you know friends care bout friends, the more they dont let him smoke/drink, the more he wants to do it and when he puts up a mess the friends have to take care of him eg. when he is drunk. moreover emo guys spread the emo aura around and some guys i know happen to be easily kena spreaded by the aura so they become emo too. and then they emo together-gether.

6. the friends tend to blame everything on THE GIRL. when they get frustrated. yes, the girl MIGHT not be completely, 100% innocent, but the friends will be like, hey its ur fault lah you broke his heart ma. and thats.. very very annoying. im sure the girl did not point a gun at him and ask him to get all emo emo.

7. EMO GUYS ARE DESPERATE.


p/s: this is a very, very, GENERAL point of view. NOT directed to anyone. sorry if you perasan and think im a bitch.
i thought i could write more, but damn, calculus is more important. kthxbai.

#63.

mom called me and asked hows my psycho. told her honestly, it was very tough. while expecting her to nag or scold "sure you never study wan lo everyday enjoy."

but instead. she said "how tough? but university level already what. can pass or not?"

WAAAA. my mom. asking me whether i can PASS a paper. and not whether i can score an A.
for the first time. and that actually motivated me.

i dont care i promised you cgpa > 3.5 then i'll try my best. i can do better than this. thanks mom !

#62.

i practically died this afternoon, i thought i was charged but its only 12am and im sleepy already. maybe i should just shoot myself, damn. screw calculus.

#61.

10 freaking reasons why malaysian studies is the dumbest subject in my life :
1. its history. translated into english. 5 years of sejarah not torturing enough meh?
2. its compulsory to take before flying off wtf why would you even need that in the US?
3. it makes you sleep and daydream.
4. it makes you slack. worse, it demotivates you.
5. it makes you go to sing k. (not that im complaining hahaha)
6. it makes you put it as the last priority. (cgpa not counted ma, cheh) so you study last minute and half-heartedly.
7. it makes you forgetskip breakfast.
8. it makes you feel stupid during the exam because the objective part has crazy options.
9. it makes you squeeze your brainjuice and crap so much in the subjective parts.
10. it makes you freeze to death in the exam hall.

DAMN YOU MALAYSIAN STUDIES.
i think i passed?

#60.

i'll be having my malaysian studies finals tmrw and i got so bored studying this useless shit so i decided to come blogging. last night i had a dream that i could rmb too because it was so scary it freaked the shit outta me trust me im not joking. (ignore the shits) so in the dream sujing and i was walking at some back alley (i dont rmb the earlier part of the dream) and then we suddenly heard this bark and saw this lil puppy. i tried to give it a pat when it suddenly turned around and we realized its a dog demon. yes you heard me right. its a small normal labrador except that it has freaky eyes and a demon mouth. i mean teeth. well, short and pointy, all joined together. with BLACK blood. omg the image is starting to haunt me again. anyway when we were in the process of freaking out (assume that it happens in slow motion) the dog demon bit sujing on her leg. and i tried to pull it off but it just wouldnt let go. while sujing screamed in pain. then i kinda pinched hard on the puppy's head, and it finally let go. i quickly flung the puppy into a drain and we ran for our dear lives. i had to support sujing all the way as her leg was hurt. we ran and ran until we were sure that its safe. the dog demon wasnt following. so there was a huge wound on sujing's leg. with black all around it. as you know dreams dont make sense so suddenly a clinic appeared in front of us. then we went in, and the doctor said he had to suck all the poison out.

and from there, i couldnt rmb what happened. told eve a lil bout this dream and she was like, better ask sujing to be careful. damn, i dont want to freak her out. hope this is just some random dream. and for sure. i dont wanna get any of this again. seriously. this morning i was so scared when i took my shower. something might just come in and attack me =.= and. i might not wanna get near any baby labradors for a while.

#59,

i dont usually remember dreams. so im gonna talk bout the one i had last night.
so it was already sem break =.= and i got my results. and i freaking scored 3.8 lol and my mom decided to reward me by buying me a bag. so in that dream we were at marc jacobs midvalley. then we saw this blue bag, something like chelsy's but in a much more smaller version. and in that dream i was super lansi and i wanted to buy an expensive bag to use as my school bag and show off =.= so i told my mom that bag was too small for me. then i started to throw a tantrum and asked my dad to drive all of us to klcc and he got lost all the way then my mom screamed at me and i ended up getting nothing.
then, i woke up realizing that the dream was full of crap because:
a) in no way im gonna score as high as 3.8 because i estimated 3.5-3.6 lol.
b) its impossible for my mom to get such luxuries for me and also i dont need it.
c) as far as i remember theres no marc jacobs outlet in midvalley.
d) im not sure whether the bag i imagined in the dream is of the same size of the smaller version that chelsy described lol.
e) my dad can always find his way to almost all the malls so the probability of him getting lost is bout 1%.
f) im not that spoilt.
g) dreams are always crappy.

okayy.

#58.

it has been raining for the past few days. so just now i was happily and semangat-ly studying my psycho while enjoying my hot soya bean when my stomach started twisted badly (omg lol you get what i mean) and it go so unbearable and i lost my mood to continue studying. went to the toilet twice and i dont rmb what brought me to youtube. and i started youtubing. mostly glee videos la. and i listened to teenage dream and telephone more than 10 times. each. gulped down a lot of water with 2 bottles of poh chai yuens as mama told me, and got a lil better. feeling so guilty now, but at least i covered all the chapters that i planned to study today. and my classes end at 2 tmrw, so i'll have time to study. :) before this i was kinda paranoid la, afraid that i cant finish all the chaps but now everythings kinda okay. just need to fully memorize everything, esp psycho, i seriously need to crap a lot to make the essays look superr long, and shankar will be so happy. damn, tmrw have to wake up early again. but the trip to mcd was kinda enjoying today. thanks bert for driving us there. hahaha we kinda forced him to do so la cuz i failed in driving manual chehh. we disturbed him outside his window until he woke up :p hanging out with them people is superrr nice! heee and i secretly hope that kharmen and guangyi will get official soon. lol dont ask my why, i just want to see some couple action cuz all this while the whole gang are like single and theres nothing interesting to watch. okay maybe im weird. and i hope simba will get over everything soon! yk just texted me and told me the whole desa palma is having blackout now. hahaha nice. so imma go sleep cuz its going to be 1am and he cant watch the videos already so goodnight people study hard for finals!

#57.

It all started with me and JJwong discussing bout what Simba blogged bout, and we moved on to talking bout our old blogs, and it suddenly occured to me that right now, in college, or maybe, this year, there's nothing actually worth blogging. I mean like, there's nothing that could make us THINK and write bout our thoughts on it, you know. I don't know how to express it. During our high school days we cherish bout our blogs more than our Facebook. Or maybe Friendster, during Form1 Form2. I don't know, last time there was this thing on my blog where I could check how many visitors have visited my blog, stuff like that. And I used to check it a few times everyday for goodness' sake. And when it got more than 10 clicks I would me happy like mad. Seriously =.= JJWong says its because we're not bimbos anymore. HAHAHA. Seriously, last time I was already damn hypocritical because I remember when I had that fight with Lich, I kept emphasizing on my blog, "Is popularity that important?" Something like that, acted like I don't care bout what people would think bout me but deep down my heart I was kinda hoping that people would be on my side and against her. Wtf thats childish and there, I admit it now. Is it really because we don't really care bout things anymore? I miss reading blogs. I miss commenting on people's blogposts. Now in our gang the few who actually still blog are me, JJWong, Bert and Simba. I hardly ever update with stuff worth reading, JJWong, seldom update but theres still isi to her posts, Bert, just very official posts, and Simba, emo posts. Which are quite interesting to read. Damn, Dr.Lim says we should practise writing everyday by writing a diary. But thats.. Hmm. Okay maybe I should resume blogging. I'll try. I mean. What if I grow up with nothing to remember bout my college life? What if people ask me like 20 years later, what did you do in INTI and I'll be like, errr, I don't really remember. Wtf why am I being paranoid all of a sudden. LOL. Finals next week some more. Talk bout last minute realization =.= Damn, it's 12 and I'm hungry, and I said I would eat with YK and gang? They're not texting me so I guess I'll do it. Damn and I wasted the whole morning. I really should go. And the worst thing is, my first semester is ending and I only had like 10 posts and some of them are not even related to my college life. Thats.. Really sad. Okay ciao.

#56.

Fear vs. Disappointment

I need my maths brain back. Seriously. Please come to me. I need you during finals. I can't freaking flunk my first semester. These days I keep questioning myself, why can't you do it when everyone else can? And I realize I've been disappointing myself these few years. I know I can do better than this. Need something to give me a push and open my eyes. LOOK PROPERLY. Your parents pay for you to study here, you have to do your best. DO YOUR BEST. Damn. I seriously don't want to flunk my first semester. Study mood, COME TO ME. Please. FEEL GUILTY NOW.

#55.

Hello blogging frm my phone. Testing testing.

#54.

I need a getaway. Can't wait to be home. Things are pretty complicated right here. And I just had to change the link. Don't want it to be too publicized. I need the blogging mojo seriously. And I need to study hard. I need motivation. I need determination. And I get it everytime I swim. Baby iPod is not back yet. I miss you :(

#53.

2 words. BUCK UP. 2 days left.

The shortest post ever. Please forgive me.

#52.

Feel so cina nowadays. So not me. And my english is getting rusty. I got stuck during my JW today. And that's bad. Really bad. I need my banana-ness back. LOL -.-
Am still sickly and I can't bring myself to study. I need my healthy self back so I would feel more motivated ! Can't believe it's getting towards the end of the semester..
Look, I'm stuck I'm stuck. It sucks.. Waiting for mama to call me. I need motivation.
REPEAT. I NEED MOTIVATION.

#51.

也不知道干嘛, 最近就喜欢用华文. 来到INTI, 才懂什么叫华人population, 才懂什么叫华文厉害的人. 尤其是看了 Ztao 的 blog ! 看, 自己的华文超烂的. 虽然在高中天天都讲华语, 可是来到这边好像超级华人地方! 我也不知道自己在说什么.. 总之我就好像是额头上写着 "我是banana" 3个字. 就算已经解释, 还是被说我的华语腔也像 banana =.= OMG! 幸好还有 Ivana, Gilbert 什么的, 不然简直没有机会讲英语 =.= 本来好像很有灵感, 现在简直没有东西写 =.= 太久没接触了吧 ! 最近超忙的.. 想我了吗?
mmm 我的偶像超帅 !

#50.

Am totally busy this week with cal1 revision, marketing team introduction & scholarship ceremony.
Die die die. I'll update next week seriously. After my Psycho midterm. 7 chapters! And the lecturer told us only today. =.= and btw, my cbox is so polluted. >>>

INTI Corporate can watch PPS wahhhh so happy can die. Can reward myself with drama marathon once in a while woooohoooooooo sorry ar nowadays the blogposts very sucky tooo busy already.

#49.

Waiting for the whole day for Viikii to load but til now I haven't completed even 1 ep of either Playful Kiss, My Girlfriend is a Gumiho & Sungkyunkwan Scandal. ARGH! And plan to study calculus failed too. And tonight we're going out? Cuz fat fish is going back tomorrow. And tomorrow we're going to Saiful's for raya! Woohoo and I don't know what else to update liao. Bb la har. Wooots I think Playful Kiss is finally loading. Fast.

#48.

Sometimes when I see rich people with luxuries, I can't help feeling a lil jealous. How can people be so rich? I know I'm not exactly poor.. At least I still have.. Things. But. I just wonder.. Can I afford those too? Not being ungrateful or what. But sometimes it's really hard to resist temptations. My mom always tells me, don't look at what people have. Look at what people DON'T HAVE. That helps a lot. If you think hard. Sometimes. I really wish money could just fall from the sky. I don't want to use my dad's hard-earned money but I still want stuff. It's kinda dilemmatic. And my mom used to tell me, if you work hard and get a good job in the future, you can buy just ANYTHING that you want. True, true. Of course I don't need a BlackBerry or a Galaxy S. Of course I don't need an iTouch. Of course I don't need a VAIO or MacBook. Of course I don't need a DSLR or any good cameras. I'm grateful with what I have. I'm a happy happy girl :) I have awesome friends and family, I have God. I have SJ, SHINee, TVXQ etc. Well I don't own them, but you get my point.

#47.

Am updating because the babes are complaining. I have Psycho research project to complete and I need to practise my Cal1 but I'm just too lazy. Went to Pelindung today and I hope I burned some fats. I don't know what to update because the blogging mojo's not there. All I know is SHINee was totally hot on MuBank and and. I'm having so much fun chillaxing @ home. Because I don't have to spend money. Woohoo and I miss you :)

#46.

I'm at home with the dog :) Yeng went for TRU while uncle and aunt went for makans. Oh and Ken just came back and stuffed me with lots of choc. Dam fattening wan okay! D: anyway, last night we went to Empire Shopping Gallery and this morning to IOI Mall. And I had Subway just now. Come to think of it, I ate Burger King and Subway for the first time in the same week. Jakun, I know :( And last night I had double cheese naan (with Tina yayy) at SS14 and the one I ate in Desa Palma still rocks. I love Nilai woooots. Just to let you know that I'm having lots of fun. And I'm studying psychology oh and I bought 3 baju yayy and maybe I'm going to watch Love in Disguise later kthxbaiiloveyou.

#45.

Looooook Suju is still the most lovable one! LOLLLL I'm so random and lifeless okay la kthxbai :)

#44.

Just came back from marketing team meeting. Plan to complete ENL & Cal1 assignment tonight totally failed :( and and. Sean is leaving! After the first sem! To Singapore or Taylors. Stupid lah Sean. We hate you :( :( But okay lah, maybe you really dont like AUP. Anyway all the best alright! Gotta cherish these 2 months while you're still here. And thanks for pulling me up to be IT Director :PPP boooo. 2 hours of Cal1 tomorrow btw. 8am! Then guess I gotta skip the usual Friday naps and complete my assignments so I can just focus on Chem & Psycho studies during the weekend in Subang for the tests next week. Oh and ENL but nothing to study wan :| And I gotta do my laundry. Traveling to Subang by INTI bus tomorrow! Im quite excited lor teehee. Miss them Subang people. Ehhh I think I should sleep edi ler :) Again college life is so busy but me likeyyyy! ^^

#43.

Home sweet home! Jjwong and the others were supposed to send me off but they ffk-ed last minute but luckily Matt and Shidah could come. Shidah came out of class late though, so I had to go first. So I basically took the bus alone, collected the voucher thingy @ MAS counter alone then collected the boarding pass alone too! Am kinda proud of myself. Was planning to take a nap but the plane landed so fast. Seriously. I don't remember domestic flights are THIS fast. Ohwell. Anyway, I kinda agree with what Jjwong said, that only OLE people would treat INTI as their second home. Well I can be sure that those people that didn't go for OLE always complain that they wanna go home! Seriously kinda miss INTI already. Though I have like, 3 groups of friends to eat with. Taking turns everyday! And I have friends in Marketing Team! I love INTI so much. Oh and this is my first time coming home, after 3 weeks! :) Kuantan seemed so unfamiliar when I stepped out of the airport. Mwah mwah! I miss Kuantan people too lets meet up!

#42.

Finally found some time to update the bloggie. Just finished my MPW2133 assignment! Feel damn accomplished wei. Gali, Winshi and Peiteng came to chill just now. Kinda fun to have some visitors here. Hehe. And tomorrow I'm going to swim! :) Like finally. It's kinda hard to blog with a theme per post now that it's super busy here. Don't stop reading though teehee. Ohyeah flying home this weekend! Who wants to come to KLIA with me? Don't tell me I'm spoilt thank you. Oh and I love my nail colors!

#41.

Conflict #1. Or should I call it Big Row #1. I shall bear with it because I'm the first child. Seriously, who could stand such parental control? My friends are all telling me waaaa you so guai leh cuz they know I'll text to ask my mom whenever I go anywhere. Isn't that enough? It's not that they're not guai, but we're all big girls dy. We know how to take care of ourselves. Btw, am eating maggi now cuz I wasn't allowed to go to KLIA hmmm. I hope time would make things get better. What's there to worry about, when I don't even club. Haih haihhh. AUP=Research projects. Tiresome and busy. I love my friends.

#40.

3rd day. Woke up late happily, last night with Shidah was fun! Went for lunch then to Ricoh with Sean, then Chemistry class which was totally boring. Lecturer was totally gay. Stupid calculus book cost me 101 bucks, stupid lab coat was 55bucks, then refreshment with INTI management team, that was when I was chosen as one of the INTIMA marketing team members, sounds cool no? But I guess it's gonna be busy from now on. Blogging mojo's still there (luckily) but life's been pretty hectic right here. Walk faster, talk faster. And obviously I'm typing faster. Okay my plan before I sleep (been procrastinating for days). Wash and refill all my water bottles, go through my money account, write to-do-list on post-its and stick it in front of me, go through some malaysian studies, and get ready for 8am class tomorrow. Yay Sean! So mom says they're most probably not coming to get me this weekend. So what? KLIA/Human trafficking march/Subang? Or just obediently stay in campus to do some cleaning/laundry since its only the second weekend here? Well, we'll see :) Gotta dash.

#39.

First day of class, Dr.Lim! Kinda fun actually, but he gave us this CA with 15 questions that I couldn't even answer half. How well do you know bout America? How am I supposed to know what a dime is and how much a nickel is? Lol. I think marks are allocated on that. Die lah. Then Chemistry. It was in the lab and apparently labs are closed on the first week of each month/sem so we waited for half an hour for nothing. Had time to go for lunch, then Calculus 1. Sat with Sean! In case you're wondering Sean is this cute 17-year-old lil boy I'm quite fond of ;DD went to RICOH then to the library with him. Then group discussion (on the first day I know right), dinner and basketball after that. Awesome time with Gali, Shidah, Matt, Carlson, Raj and Winshi. I guess thats bout it. Has psychology 8am tomorrow so I better dash. Mom stop calling me every 2 hours its really annoying.

#38.

2nd day right here. LAN is somehow not working so am using campus wifi. Slow like hell though. Ole is just.. okay. And I'm now known as Esther like among my whole batch of ole people. Well I've had it since I was a kid but I use it very very very seldom yuno. But I'm happy cuz people have no trouble pronouncing my name and they somehow like me a lot. Not being perasan but yeah, I've been called out several times to do things. Like on the stage, well not technically but in front of everyone. The Power Rangers thingy was very embarrassing. Nvm, I'll elaborate on that next time. I'm trying hard to be sporting but that's like so not me. Well I'm not exactly like those super shy and timid type but I always prefer to be like, in the background yuno. Not the center of attention. Haha. Something new to me, really. Last day of ole tomorrow, then finally get some free time on Saturday at Alamanda. Met some awesome friends too. Sleeping alone was okay, though I admit I felt kinda homesick last night, but I guess things are getting better. I prefer not having a roommate, cuz my stuff are like, all over the place now? I hope nobody's gonna move in. And I'm doing my laundry on Saturday. Right this is totally random. Lol. Kay, this is Lady Gaga signing off. OMG haha I'll talk about that next time too.

Missing Lee Dong Dong Dong Hae!

#37.

They say it's not Donghae's bed.

You're just helping her promote her stupid band right dear?
She's not your girlfriend. Of course not. :)
Why la she's kinda cute can't believe she's already 30.

#36.

12 Things I'll definitely miss when I'm in INTI.

i. My dad, my mom and my sister. Our dinner sessions.

ii. Mom's cooking. Wonder whether I can survive on outside food?

iii. Friends in Kuantan especially L6S3, and of course Ng Mian Wei :)

iv. TV! More to KBS World. No more MuBank, Golden Bell, Invincible Youth and Dream Team where I can laugh my ass off!

v. My room. Now my stuff are like all over the place but once I'm there I'm sharing with someone else and the room's like separated into half.

vi. My bed. The most comfortable place in the world. I hope the bed over there will be okayyy.

vii. My bathroom. Have to carry toiletries to and fro when I need to take a shower there :(

viii. My baby Myvi. Guess dad will drive it more often when his car engine decides to go insane again.

ix. My books. Can't just grab anything whenever I feel like reading, haha it's impossible to bring my whole collection there.

x. Days when I need not wash my own clothes. Goodbye. Wish I can handle my laundry well and they don't give out weird odour. =x

xi. Money. Can't just spend on anything that I want now since parents paid a lot for my fees :(

xii. Last but not least, Super Junior. No more spazzing with the sister. Somehow it's weird to gila-gila alone but I know I still will :D

#35.

Doubt you know this song if you've only developed love for SJ recently just because of the BONAMANA craze.

2005. When they were working so hard to gain recognition. Debuted after the sweats and tears from training years and years under SM. Not to mention having to withstand getting bashed from the anti's after debut.

Of course everything paid off. You guys proved to the world that you're not just some useless pretty boys. You guys are huge out there. Right now.

Nobody knows how important they are to me. Mom, you said it's really useless that I waste money to buy their albums. You said you would rather I spend the money on bags and clothes. But no, if it means I have to choose either I can stand not going shopping for months and spend the money on their albums and concerts instead. It's true. If it's DBSK, maybe I'll agree with you. But for SJ, it's different.

They're not only idols. They're like, a sense of comfort to me. Without them, a big chunk of my life would be missing. Not trying to impress anyone here. That's really how I feel. Even when I'm lonely, there's something for me to hang on. Something to cheer me up when I'm down. Even just as a fan, they're important. Very important.

Think I'm childish? You just don't understand. :)

And don't "LOVE" them just because everyone else does. Or just because you want to look "COOL". That's not even love.

#34.

Just when we were all patiently waiting day by day for Kyu to join Twitter, Sungmin left us already. Even the account @myblacksmile is deleted.


And he's hidden a few columns on his Cyworld. Is there anything wrong Min? I miss you. :(

#33.

Nowadays almost everywhere I go I could hear those seafood blasting Justin Bieber away on their phones. It's always like.
*phone rings somewhere "Baby, baby, baby, ohhhh"*
*turns around*
*lala picks up phone/playing the song/singing along*

So Justin Bieber is now a lala thing huh. No wonder all the cool people/cool people wannabes hate Justin. At least I think they do.

It used to be Disney stars like Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift etc. Like Party in the U.S.A, Love Story etc. Those are totally lala favourites. Have you ever heard lalas listening to Katy Perry or maybe Jason Derulo? Well I haven't. I assume they have upgraded themselves if you have.

Honestly, I do like Disney stars. Oh, don't judge me. That doesn't make me a lala either. Maybe you think I am. So I'm thinking why do people hate Justin Bieber? Why do people hate Taylor Swift? Is it because their style of music are of seafood's liking and therefore they are somehow degraded and lala-fied?

I don't know. I don't hate Justin Bieber like normal people do. And I do love Taylor Swift.

Katy Perry loves Justin Bieber.

And she's obviously no lala!

Speaking of Katy Perry, I so wanna see her on MTV Worldstage! And Wonder Girls too!

Don't hate Justin Bieber lah he didn't kill your mother. And I'm not wrong. HATE is definitely the vocab people use on him.

#32.

Currently having the hots for EunSiHae! Maybe because they look the best in tanktops among the lot. Mmmm told you I have this thing for tanktop dudes I still don't know why and that's why I think I'm starting to like 2PM they have such awesome bods =x =x

Anyhooo! I remember having truckloads of EunSiHae pics during SS2 but the only one I could find is just this.

Okay it's still EunSiHae. With a blur Yesung behind.

What happened to all my pics! :(

Oh this :) Okayy now I definitely can't wait for more
EunSiHae tanktops+abs+arms galore during SS3.

Steaming hot right. And they say, it's never too wrong to fantasizedream. So I'll continue doing my thing. Until. The sky knows when.

This is exactly how my future kid and the daddy will look like.
Just wait and see. :)

#31.

Finally there's time to blog bout Eclipse. Watched it on Friday. And it's pretty okayy for me, cuz the book was the most boring one among the series. At least the movie didn't bore me. Haha.

There were so many lip-locking scenes hahaha seriously there's this guy sitting next to my mom who said "zou meh yi dit guai lou gam zhong yi zhui ga?" (Why do all these mat salleh like to kiss so much) LOL.

Of course, Edward and Bella kissed N times
which got kinda annoying after a while.

Jacob and Bella, once by force, another willingly,
which was quite ewwww cuz it's weird.

Jasper and Alice. :)

Sam and Emily well actually I don't remember whether
they kissed but they look like they're going to kiss
in this picture so yeah hahaha.

And Riley and Victoria, which I couldn't find any pics
of them together so I'm gonna put this.

Emmett and Rosalie, my favourite couple of all times
but they didn't kiss, potong steam max.

I think Edward is as ugly as ever (don't ask me whyyy) and Jacob is definitely wow-er and there's more abs to see in this sequel rawrrrrr :D

There's this new-born vampire Riley controlled by Victoria
who is quite cute and reminds me of Kyu.

Okayyy he doesn't look cute here. He looks so innocent
especially when he was still human. Malas to find other pics.
Moving on..

Emmett is hot as usual, and remember this Eric guy? Bella's friend who looks a bit Chinese, well he's definitely gotten a lot cuter! Again malas to find pic. As LXJ always says, I can go yaksi already :D :D

Well conclusion. Forget the books. I still think Twilight movies are like, totally overrated.

#30.

Hey it's Megan Fox the sexy goddess :D
What more could I ask for?
Totally starstruck man. Wheeeee.

Wondering when my boys would retweet/reply me.

#29.

Sometimes you are freakishly weird and have terrible mood swings.

Sometimes you make us laugh like hell because you are funny in your own ways.

Sometimes you can be so lengnui that even girls envy you.

Sometimes you can be so lengzai and hot and make us go awwwww!

Sometimes you make us speechless when you are so full of yourself.

Sometimes you seem so nice because you retweet tweets where you are mentioned.

Sometimes it is funny how much you are addicted to Twitter.

Sometimes it gets so annoying to see how much you love cats and pink stuff.

But that's what makes you YOU because you are Kim Heechul.


Happy birthday Heenim / Milky Skin Heechul / Cinderella and whatever possible names you have.
Thanks for saying that ELFs make you laugh. Love you lots!

#28.

If this isn't cute, I don't know what else is :D :D :D
This will def be my all-time favourite.
I would kill to replace that girl.
NO, WAIT. That girl is actually.. Me :D

LMAO.
I can go shoot myself and dai already.

Love Won's hair. Love!

Needless to say. Hae is a killer :)

#27.

Hah! I got replied too.

Sorry la first time ma and its a celebritayyyy :D

#26.

Self-proclaimed

Korea #1 Handsome Guy &
Korea #1 Funny Guy.

How on earth did you gain so much weight? xD

26months. Do come back as a fit and mature man.
No more troublemaker okay? :)
Take care, Kim Youngwoon.
I'll def miss your voice and your sense of humour.

Bye bye Raccoon ! :')

#25.

Just to keep the bloggie alive, I shall blog bout my gadgets. Please take note that I'm not flaunting my stuff cuz they aren't anything great, anyway. So here goes.

Sony PSP 1st generation.
Since March 2007.
White mouse in the family, therefore borrowed a million times, and therefore badly scratched, scarred, bruised and battered.
I repeat 1st generation, and that explains the limited colours hence the blue, and its bulkiness.
I envy my cousins' 2nd generation PSPs with amazing colours, lighter and thinner body, smaller battery, smaller UMD compartment, with WiFi, comes with memory card of bigger space, etc etc.
Currently isolated due to the lack of games.


Sony Cyber-Shot DSC-T2.
Since October 2007.
8.1 Megapixels but only with 3x optical zoom.
Less affection since it got a small injury on the LED touchscreen last February. Obviously not my fault.
Still sayang it cuz it has been a great companion to me throughout the years, and it's in apple green :D the pic doesn't show the colour much though.
Currently not in use cuz the small injury hurts me everytime I see it, and nothing happening is going on lately so I can't use it on any occasions.



iPod Classic 120GB.
Since January 2009.
The longer I use it the more I realize 120GB is seriously wayyyy too large. With millions of songs and videos inside, I'm still using just 23GB out of it. =x
Shiny and easily scratched back surface, limited covers on sale for Classic, and the current one is thick and bulky.
Earphones since April, birthday present from Weijin and Heng :D
Use it every single day without fail, well look what's playing :D
Still trying hard to convince myself everyday that I don't need an iTouch.

Even Donghae is still using a Classic only xD
LOOOOOOK! >>>>>>>>
:D :D :D






Nokia N97.
Since June 2009.
It's kinda second-hand cuz mom passed it to me. After using for less than 24 hours cuz apparently the functions are too complicated for her.
Used to be my dream phone cuz of the exchangable covers (with olive green) and I like the white in front, and it is light.
Very laggy gallery, and need to be restarted sometimes to play the songs. Very troublesome, now I just transfer pics that I want to set as wallpaper, and songs that I want to set as ringing tone.
Mmm, that's bout it.


Compaq Presario CQ40.
Since October 2009.
Don't need any pro models since I'm not a gamer nor a graphics student and I don't store much stuff.
Used to be the second comp in the family, but it's kinda mine since I'm bringing it to college, and since I'm using it everyday. And since I already customized it with my stickers.
Except that it's not in sexy hot red which is the awesomest lappie colour in the whole wide world. I'm so jealous of Cherrie Liew Qianyi's red Dell although I haven't seen it.
Guess it will continue to serve me until I become filthy rich one day and get some really expensive Sony Vaio/MacBook.


Including baby Myvi, I got some really cool stuff in 2009 but 2009 was actually the worst year in my life. Apart from 2005.

5 more months in 2010. I hope life would be rockin' from now on :)