So I lied to myself and lied to everyone. If I really haven't been expecting anything at all, I wouldn't have cried so hard just now.
I really feel like shit. Not that I've been rejected but still I felt like it's the end of the world. Forget about my self-esteem, I felt my heart ripped into pieces. Worse, I chose for it to happen myself.
I convinced myself that whatever outcome it would be, I'll take it with a big smile and would not regret because at least I tried. I thought I did. But seriously? What kind of shit is that. I never felt such regret in my life. Foook. Why couldn't I just keep everything to myself. At least I could live in denial or whatever shit, I don't care, at least I would not hurt myself like this.
Having faith in yourself and everything else? That is bullshit. I've had enough. This stupid phrase is going to be gone from my dictionary. If I ever see it again I guess my brain will automatically translate it into "be prepared to get hurt because it's gonna let you down." Yay. =.=
So our beautiful memories only stopped on the first 14th. Wait, there's not even a "we" here. Because it's always just me. Why, thanks.
Fookthisshit. Fookmylife. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to get out of this room. Bye.
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