#99. AP 公公.

i dont know whether its normal to be emotional at the wee hours of the morning, cuz im kinda tearing as im typing this.

i usually had approx half an hour more to sleep after my mom acted as my physical/manual alarm clock but today, i just cant get myself back to sleep after hearing that my grandpa has passed away at around 2 o' clock this morning.

omg. i've never been close to this grandpa, seriously you can never imagine how a grandpa-granddaughter relationship can be this cold lo. i hardly see him for more than 5 times every year despite that we're staying just like a 10 minutes' ride from each other (not after i came to nilai of course) and living up to this age i think even the sentences of our previous conversations added up did not exceed 50. im very very serious (things got worse since he got alzheimer's i think).

ahhh my point is. i feel a sudden emptiness once i heard the news. i thought i was still dreaming, i "huh??" a few times to confirm and i guess i was too loud that i woke my roomie up. partly because it was too sudden (we've always been sure that he can live up to another 3/4 years) and partly because, i guess. this is what they called. blood connection. theres just something there thats. urghhh i dunno how to explain la. but the first thing that popped onto my mind was : no more gong gong on cny reunion dinner. our reunion dinner's never been crowded for a few years now, its always been my family, gong gong and bachelor uncle only. and now. arghhh. didnt know how these lil things mean so much to me.

what a huge blow to start the day. a part of me is feeling guilty cuz i was busy complaining that its such a weekend to be back home with a full agenda next week then suddenly this happened to shut me up. dont know but it feels likes karma (everything thats happening to me feels like karma nowadays urghhhh).

on the other hand. its super bad to say this but with all the funeral thingy going on and stuff, will i be able to study? and prepare for the audition? shittt. i told you week 12's gonna be historical. wait, i mean epic. must use a cooler word wants -.-

gosh. i wonder whether dad is crying. :( R.I.P gong gong.

#98. Whats real and whats not.

hey you. kinda tired of seeing you all innocent in front like you dont have any clue bout whats happening and then complaining like shit behind. its just like exposing your hypocrisy hmm.

and you. it takes some level of bitchiness to be such a good backstabber (its not that im not like that myself pffffft i might have accidentally joined in the fun earlier) but.

ala why put me in this position where i have to take care of both of you guys' feelings, being careful not to say something wrong and most importantly, its not even my problem and any second i might be labeled as the bitch again (like i never get it enough). dengg. just leave me alone la please. i have way more and better thingys to be pek cek of.

fed up. we're not high school kids anymore.

#97. 가슴이 아직 아파.

기분이 안 좋다.



can someone just buy me this? :D

#96. Something old yet new.

13.88/15 for my statistics test 1.

for the first time in college, im feeling a sense of achievement. because apart from Winson the freak, i did quite well compared to the rest of my classmates.

:):) shocked quite a number of people though, maybe i've always looked stupid. i mean not studious.

it really works when you're more dedicated into things. and i really miss being top of the class.

way to go xt !

#95. Calculus II ; The Aftermath.

okay maybe i shouldnt use the word aftermath here cuz as far as i know it kinda means it in the negative way.

well, i think test 1 was okay. at least it was better than what i expected. and i think i can at least score.. 35/50? i hope. just as long as i didnt do any careless mistakes. i hope :)

but then again, maybe the word aftermath can be used. since im super sickly now. again D: mom thinks it might be caused by my lack of sleep last night (maybe too nervous) and also stress. seriously. cal2 DID gave me a lot of mental torture.

anyway, glad its over. had no energy to do anything, so am kinda chilling for the night. preparation for bio test will start tomorrow !

its kinda nice, being occupied with stuff. at least it will keep certain things outta your mind. oh and i didnt know inti does have some really cute boys. until recently. haha. k bye. what should i watch now? hmmm. maybe vampire diaries.

lifes good.



p/s: dream high spoiler:
hyemi ended up with samdong. disappointed. very very very disappointed :(:(:(
cant wait to watch it tmrw, though. last ep liao whyyyy.