#110. All in one shot.

warning : emo post ahead and i swear i have all the reasons to be emo. with them all combined together, its fatal T___T

firstly. im sick. down with flu and sore throat and slightly feverish. slept for 5 hours this afternoon after class but still not getting better. water keep flowing from my nose hahaha if u get what i mean. keep blowing my nose only. took some flu pills also. think im sleeping with koolfever tonight, to be on the safe side.. and i had no appetite for the whole day!! if you know me well you know how fast i get hungry everyday right. so its like.. super abnormal. the emptiness is there loh. its like you know its time to eat but you dont feel hungry at all. damn sad :'(

secondly. i've been feeling left out these few days. because she got new best friend already. hey im not jealous okay, i feel so happy for her. but then. it hurts when i feel like im not the top priority anymore. its like. im not the only plan anymore. not the only one she depends on anymore. made my hopes high when she's gonna bring me to meet the friends then made me fell face flat when she said the taxi only occupies 4 of them and not me. sorry, im a thinker. for the moment i felt like. maybe i dont belong to that circle also. so why bother getting in? then when i slowly cooled down i asked her whether she wants to come to kuantan with me? this weekend wants to go to kl? she didnt say no, i dunno why but the way she answered spells rejection. another huge blow landed. and now i dunno what will happen next..

thirdly. people's been kacau-ing me that i like him. i've been denying this for like months then the rumors and teasing stopped. until recently. i dunno who started the dumb thing again and this time its kinda serious. the way they brought up the topic during the 2 truths and 1 lie game last night was. urghh. you cannot imagine how i felt. its like all the guns at palma are pointing at me saying "just admit that you like him." greattt. and from the way i see it he kinda believes it also. which is kinda ridiculous cuz we've been close friends since forever. i havent seen him since the paiseh thing last night but i bet its gonna be awkward between us. greattt. im sure people's response to this will be "ur fault lah who ask you to be so close to him!" so okay lah.

fourthly. the a levels gang are finishing their exam next week so they are going to kuantan. on thursday. and now its kinda like the whole huge makan gang is going. and the problem is, i have class on friday thats why i cant follow the crowd on thursday. so i asked on our makan gang page whether anyone wants to follow me but, no response! the other day, i jio-ed people to makan but no one wanted to eat. so yesterday i kinda changed it to another way. i asked whether anyone wants to join me for dinner. same result. why lah make me feel like im the insignificant one? seriously. whats my problem?? :'( so now its either i dont go back next weekend at all, or i'll have to take plane. which adds more weight on my guilty conscience because i've spent enough money already!

i dont say anything, i dont show anything. but that doesnt mean i dont feel anything.
and if u happen to feel that my rants are unnecessary, just have to leave this page right now. thanksss.

i just need to get rid of this. insecurity problem. i wanna go home!